The ego loves comparison because comparison creates charge. A tiny win gives you a dopamine pop; a tiny loss gives you a cortisol spike. Either way, the story of “me” lights up. That charge is the drug.
How the Drug Works
- Scan: find a metric (looks, money, followers, partner, house, speed, “vibe”).
- Judge: better or worse—never equal.
- Dose: dopamine if up, cortisol if down.
- Repeat: the nervous system learns to seek the next hit.
Notice the trap: even when you “win,” you train the brain to keep scanning. The win doesn’t end the game; it deepens the addiction.
Why The Ego Needs It
Comparison gives the ego edges—hard borders between “me” and “them.” Edges feel real. Presence dissolves edges; the ego doses comparison to redraw them, fast.
Modern Fuel Sources
- Infinite feeds: endless, curated highlight reels.
- Public numbers: likes, views, follower counts, net worth posts.
- Professional rankings: titles, awards, “30 under 30.”
- Self-tracking gone wrong: “If I’m not beating yesterday, I’m losing.”
Somatic Tells (Real-Time)
- Micro-jolt: tiny electric hit when you see a number or face.
- Speed-up: faster scrolling, quicker speech, shallow breath.
- Tunnel vision: attention locks on the scoreboard, not the scene.
- Mini narratives: instant stories to justify up or down.
The Cost of Dosing
- Creativity shrinks: originality risks “losing,” so you copy the leaderboard.
- Joy thins: good moments are audited, not lived.
- Relationships flatten: people become mirrors or threats.
- Time warps: you live in ladders instead of moments.
“But Competition Made Me Great”
Competition can train skills. Comparison addiction trains identity dependence. The test: remove the scoreboard for a day. If performance collapses, you weren’t driven by love of the craft—you were dosing on rank.
Swap Scoreboards for Standards
Scoreboard: relative, unstable, other-controlled. Standard: absolute, self-chosen, moment-controlled.
Standards return authorship: “Today I’ll do three focused hours,” “I’ll publish one honest page,” “I’ll meet one person fully.” No leaderboard required.
Micro Experiment (60 Seconds)
- Recall your last comparison jolt (scroll, room, street).
- Name it: “Drug.”
- Exhale slowly; feel your feet.
- Ask: “What standard serves this moment?” (Pick one tiny action.)
- Do it now. Notice the small click of authorship.
Language That Breaks the Loop
- From “better/worse” to “truer/less true.”
- From “ahead/behind” to “appropriate now.”
- From “should” to “I choose.”
Three Clean Moves
- Reduce cues: hide public numbers, unfollow highlight reels that trigger dosing.
- Return to craft: measurable input (hours, reps), not outcome.
- Expand context: when you zoom out to your real priorities, most ladders look silly.
When You Can’t Avoid the Leaderboard
Sometimes you compete. Fine. Enter on purpose, exit on time. Before: set one standard you control (behavior). After: debrief in facts (what you did), not identity (who you are). Don’t bring the scoreboard home.
The Quiet Alternative
Presence feels less dramatic than winning and less catastrophic than losing. It’s steadier. At first, the ego will call it boring. Stay long enough to feel its power: creativity returns, relationships thicken, time widens.
Practice: Standard Over Scoreboard (2 Minutes)
- Identify one comparison trigger (app, person, metric).
- Define a standard you control today (e.g., “90 minutes deep work,” “message one person sincerely,” “cook one real meal”).
- Remove one cue for 24 hours (hide likes, mute a feed, leave the phone in another room).
- Do the standard. Log completion with a single check mark (no commentary).
Repeat tomorrow. You’re retraining the nervous system to prefer authorship over rank.
Practice: The 10-Second Reset
- When the jolt hits, say: “Drug.”
- Exhale for six; relax jaw and tongue.
- Do one concrete action in the room you’re in (tidy an item, drink water, answer one message).
Reality breaks the spell. The ego can’t dose while you’re doing something simple and true.